Play, Imagination, And Resourcefulness
Saturday, February 3, 2024
Tuesday, November 10, 2020
2020 Post #1
listening to Enya, Middle Earth, Rivendell:
it is pretty nice as a writing backdrop...
note to self: ask Madame Bleu if she saw the 2017 performance of
The Book of Mormon when it came to Melbourne.
later, I don't know when, I will look at the older stuff
but start here, unless you really want to go back
to the beginning
but that would be another story,
Low Tide Desparados
that was an attempt to figure out some things form my most unlikely misadventures
This is a return to trying to figure out what to do now...
what next
float, write, make art,
go somewhere and hide out, build an-ultra light and maybe a small sailboat, and write
maybe make a little art get a little burro and a few other little friends if I am CERTAIN
I will stay there...
OR
will I try to step into the spot light and do something
something good
Hopefully
something that seems like it is making things better in some way
not worse... not just consuming resourses
or taking up space..
there is someone once, and I do like her a lot
but
I think she's worried that I am still to hooked into you know who...
and I can't blame her for that.
so, I think it has been four years wow
so much water under the bridge, but lasting things too
am I clinging to things experiences memories people ???
especially Florencia
I don't know what to do
she doesn't want to be with me any more
but still much of the time likes having me around
when it is supposed to be over...
but sometimes ... nevermind
Have I needed to villify him because Iam so jealous
or is he actually danger to her
I don't know any more
wow (((what if ( wow I never came up with a name for _ _ _ _ lol )
I will let go yet again
What if _ _ _ _ feels guilt that he didn't beg her to stay
because of what happened to her later
was he just too proud to beg
or was he really THAT commited to her Freedom...
without any manipulation
even though
manipulation and way worse is what awaited her
because he
hadn't really tried
hadn't fought for her)))
(((am I fine
I am
Am I...
too chill or
not nearly enough
amazingly yet again I have no clue
Nada
anyway, I wonder if... If He worried about her
when she went off to marry Nic(k)
and if he felt guily
for not trying harder
to convince her not to go
not there
not with him
anywhere else maybe with most any other guy
of course she never looks back
she never ... not now
he knew
he had not blown things all at once
it was little by little
but when exactly
he couldn't say
maybe if he had just ask her to stay
even if it wasn't to be with him
just don't go
He is NOT who his seems
they had both
burned for each other so much
night after night for what three years
right up until she was was gone
he couldn't believe it
that he had just let her
he had just let go
because it seemed like
that was what she really wanted
he had wanted to grab her so many times and swear he would never again
look at another woman but
he knew that she knew
he didn't even trust himself
and she had lived throught that
one had broken her heart
the other her ability to love a man
oh she would place herself in harms way again
and again
because it was who she was when she felt that much fire from one of them
she just couldn't help herself
and so the ones who had loved her most
except for that very first poor bastard who fell for her
the ones who actually loved her and wanted her to be free to follow her dreams
not just be their little prize on display
and then a little later when the honeymoon was over
would begin to drag her down
and little by little erode her will
her ability to put up resistence to anything
both of the men who married her had set out to remake her
so she would literally do...
whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted it
the first one found that to be impossible pretty quickly
though they both believed that it was true love
true love
even Nic(k) pondered that possibility for a time
her magic was that healing, that powerful
he was amazed by how much she really had lit up his entire existence... but then of course
once he was really able to fuck again
really be on top
he started thinking he was pretty hot shit
and he drank more and more
smoked more too,
he taught her how to roll cigarettes and she became even better at it than she was
which he liked but of course, also didn't like
he liked thinking he was the best and so many things.
For a little while she went along with everything
trying to be a good wife
but
that's enough for today, Mr. Parks... Craig
you seem exhausted
go rest for a while
you can come back later today or tomorrow
we'll pick up where we left off, or start somewhere else in the story
whatever you want is fine.
Thank you, Jessie, I like this way of working... it's a pretty good flow.
I think so to
yes, thanks again
sure, my pleasure, see you.
bye
bye
He sank deeper into the music once again...
sat there for a minute, and stood up to go to the bathroom
he would work on something else when he got back
but he might actually rest for a bit even though it was not yet noon
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Addison’s Music
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